Friday, December 27, 2013

70 Questions

Hello followerses! Smeagol has come back! We had a very good idea for posts to do this month, but the short blogger could not help us. She says she had no creativity. So we will answer questions instead! Very long ago, Rogan sends us a question. He asks, "Dear Gollum, What happened to all your hair? No Offence . Rogan." What happened to our hair? We have fabulous hair! And we takes very good care of it. It can read about it at the end of this post!

Now let us answer more questions! We takes these from tumblr. It is a long list, so we will do part of it.


1-How are you?

We are happy that the movie Andy Serkis worked so hard on is out! But we are not happy to see so many pictures of Bagginses.

2-Post a picture of yourself.


3-Do you ever wish you were someone else?
Sometimes we wish that we were our Precious.

4-What is your entire name?

5-How old are you?
We doesn't remember. The short blogger says about 589.

6-Age you get mistaken for:

7-Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:
What is a zodiac?

8-What did you do on your last birthday?
Smeagol did not celebrate his birthday for a long time. But we remembers one birthday. We were fishing with Deagol. And he gave us the Precious.

9-What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?
Getting our Precious back.

10-What is your hair color?

11-Have you ever dyed your hair?

12-What is your eye color?
Blue. People likes Master's big blue eyeses, maybe they likes ours too?

13-If you could change your eye color, would you?

14-Do you wear contacts/glasses?

18-Do you have any tattoos?
If we did, it would say "Precious" in runes.

19-Do you have any piercings?

20-Left or right handed?
We use both our handses.

21-What’s your sexual orientation?
We doesn't like anyone.

22-Do you drink?

23-Do you smoke?
No! Smoke rising in the sky! Tells nasty men where we are!

24-Do you have any pets?
We eats it.

25-Where do you work?
Smeagol tries to get his Precious back but people keep making him answer questions about the Precious or making poor Smeagol lead them to Mordor. So we are a "tour guide."

26-Something you are working on right now:
Getting our Precious back.

27-Do you have any “rules” about food?
No nasty elf bread. Avoid orcses if we can.

28-Where are you from?
Near the Gladden Fieldses.

29-What would you say is your best quality?
Our riddles! We are good at riddles!

30-What do you think you’re really good at?
Guessing Baggins's riddles.

31-What do you think you’re really bad at?
Our throat cannot swallow nasty elf bread though we are hungry.

33-Are you a bad person?
Smeagol is good. Good Smeagol. The Fat Hobbit says we are bad.

34-Are you nice to everyone?
We will be nice to them if they are nice to us.

36-Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
Peter Jackson says we has nine teeth.

37-What is your ideal bed? Why?
Somewhere dark and cool.

38-Did you wake up cranky?

39-Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?
No, but look what Smeagol finds! The Hobbit Plushies Gollum Plush

40-What do you think about the most?
My Precious

42-What you want to be when you “get older”?
We are older now.

43-What are your career goals?
Find our Precious.

44-What is your ideal career?
Telling hobbitses "no!" when they ask for directions.

45-Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
No, we have our own blog now.

46-Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Yes, we thinks about how Baggins stole our Precious a lot. It makes us angry.

47-Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
We doesn't think so.
[oh really Mr. Having-creepy-conversations-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-arguing-with-yourself? -Arda]

48-Say 10 facts about your room:
Smeagol doesn't have a room, so we talks about the Misty Mountains.
1. Dark
2. Lake
3. Fish
4. Orcses
5. Precious
6. Alone
7. Cool
8. Baggins
9. We hates it

49-Do you have any phobias?
We are afraid we'll never find our Precious again.

50-Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?
[Thank you for the suggestion. I will be recommending one this week. -Arda]

51-Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?
Hobbitses and nasty elf bread.

52-Ever broken any bones?
Stickses and stoneses may break our boneses but Peter Jackson's changes to our books never hurts us.

53-Ever come close to death?

60-Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this?
There are pages of us, but we doesn't run any of them.

61-Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

62-Describe yourself in one word/sentence:
Sneak, as the Fat Hobbit would say.

63-A quote you try to live by:
"The Precious will be ours, once the hobbitses are dead." -Us

64-A famous person you’ve been compared to:

65-Weird things you do when you’re alone:
We likes to talk to our Precious, but we doesn't think it's weird.

66-Something you do without realising:

68-Someone you’d like to be for a day and why:
We wants to be the Fat Hobbit so we can fall in the mud.

69-Leave me a compliment:
Who is it? We are not leaving a compliment!

Monday, December 16, 2013

Draw My Life

Smeagol is working on a new post. It will be finished soon, yes, very soon! But now, watch this video we finds!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

New Hobbit Trailer +Q&A

We finds a new trailer for the Hobbitses movie! Maybe it wants to see it.

We likes it very much. It gives us a better of idea of what we will see. But we doesn't like many people in it. No, not very many at all. Nasty elfses and wizardses and hobbitses. Yes, nasty hobbitses! Baggins makes this video too:

We doesn't want Baggins in our cinema. We has to see him enough in the movie, don't we, precious? Baggins can stay away.

Since we are talking about movies, we answers this question:

Who is your favorite actor?

Andy Serkis! He brings Smeagol to life! He plays us very well, helps people to know us, yes? Helps them care about us? Yes precious, Andy Serkis we likes very much.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Hobbit Day...bleh.

Smeagol is soooo excited for Baggins' birthday. Yes precious, look at how excited we are.
Grr...the short blogger wants us to write a post for today, but we hates Baggins! We doesn't want to celebrate its birthday, especially when it takes our birthday present. He tricks us, he cheats us! We will make a list, yes precious? Reasons why we hate Bilbo Baggins!

1. He stole our Precious!

2. He cheats at riddles (what has it got in its pocketses silly riddle precious yes very silly it doesn't count no it doesn't count in the game)

3. He tells other silly riddles (we knows the 30 white horses long ago, it thinks we are stupid?)

4. He stole our Precious!

5. He points sharp things at us (don't hurt poor Smeagol!)

6. He sneaks after us to find the way out (he cheats!)

7. He plays leap frog without asking us (maybe we lets it jump over us to get out if it asks nicely)

8. He stole our Precious!

9. He takes his handses out of his pocketses too fast (if Baggins cheats, Smeagol will be clever!)

10. He stinks of nasty elfses

11. He is a friend of the nasty wizard


Sunday, September 15, 2013

Ask Gollum - moviesss and enemiesss

We gets some more questions! Two about moviessss...

Gollum, do you like Star Wars?

Do we like...Star Warses. We do, yes, we do likes it a bit. Not the Emperor. Not nice, no, not very nice. And "Ben" makes us think of the wizard, Gandalf. But we likes other parts. When The Clone Wars was on, we watched it. We even reviews it on the short blogger's blog! But between Star Warses and our movies, we likes ours better. Much better. We are in it!

Who is your most hated enemy?
Is you went to the movies what would you take?

We answers the first a bit before, but Baggins. We hates it forever. Never forgive it! Never forgive it for stealing our precious, our birthday present. Maybe we steals its pocket handkerchief! See how it likes having its precious stolen.
To the movies... It has popcorn. Does it have fishes? Maybe we takes our own fish. And we brings earplugs. Movies are so loud, they hurt Smeagol's ears. But we can see in the dark of theaters very well. That's why we maybe also takes someone to lose in there! Heeheehee...

Now that we thinks about it, we finds a picture of us in Star Warses!

We thanks it for the questions, precious!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A Critique - "Gollum breaks down the trailer for 'The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug'"

We sees that someone writes an article about us. Look, look here precious! We thinks it was nice of the writer, Jancy Richardson to think about us with the trailer for The Hobbitses: The Desolation of Smaug. Nice writing, nice gifs of us. But we wants to set a few thing straight, yes precious? We include bits here, but it should go look at the article itself. Maybe it reads it first, yes? then it comes back to look at us.

Stupid Hobbitses, leaving poor Gollum out of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Not like Gollum cares. This trailer, so full of stinking, stupid Hobbitses.
Gollum tells you reasons why he doesn’t want to be The Hobbit 2, those Hobbitses can go desolate Smaug without him.

We likes J.R.R. Tolkien. He is our friend. He has us in his book, but only one part. Smeagol is fine with that. Good Smeagol is content with his role. But maybe if we were in it more we could have gotten our Precious back from those stinking, stupid hobbitses.

1) Nice hat, precious.

Before we goes to Mirkwood, we doesn't know who this is. We doesn't care about his hat. But he keep Smeagol prisoner! Not very nice, no precious, not very nice at all.

2) Gollum could be that big if he spent his life in Mordor gym, too.

Smeagol needs fishes to grow strong. We has no fish, no birdses, only nasty elf bread. Smeagol will go hungry. Poor Smeagol. We doesn't want to look like nasty orcses anyways. And we don't want to go back to Mordor. No, no, we won't go back. Filthsey orcses can get fit all they likes, but don't ask Smeagol to go.

3) Dwarf thinks he can win Middle Earth Olympic barrel race, does he?

Olympic? What is it? We doesn't know what it is talking about. But we don't think we like dwarves very much. If it's a race in the water, we would win. We spends lots of time in the water. We paddles with our handses and goes fast. We would win.

4) Baggins! We hates that guy.

Yes yes, here we agrees! Baggins, we hates it. Hates it forever! He stole our Precious! Wicked, tricksey, false!

5) Boys or girl? Gollum can never tell with Elveses…

More nasty elveses. All from Mirkwood. We doesn't care if it's a boy or girl. We hates them all.

6) Aaagh! Nice doggie!

It's not a doggie! Smeagol reads the book! We knows what it really is. But we're not sure we like it very much precious.

7) Tasty caterpillars! Oh, no. Eyebrows.


8) Dirty great Dragon! Run for your liveses!

We doesn't want to meet a dragon. Not at all, precious. It sounds worse than oliphaunts, yes? We doesn't like them either.

But maybe it will eat Baggins. Then we likes it.

9) Gollum busy that day anyway. Those juicy fishes isn’t going to catch themselves, Precious.

We may not have said this ourselfs, precious, but it is true. Unless they have fishes in Long Lake? Maybe they have good fishes there.

See, Gollum not bothered at about being overlooked for second Hobbit movie. Must admit, though, Precious, the Lego version of the trailer is awesomes.

Smeagol didn't expect to be in the other movies. We doesn't mind if they follow what Tolkien says about us. Never heard of a Lego before, but maybe it likes it? Maybe it goes to watch the video on their article? And go see their nice pictures of us. But we knows that "awesomes" isn't a word, precious. Smeagol speaks just fine, doesn't he, precious?

[Disclaimer, the article was great and lots of fun, just though Gollum might have something to say about it! We are not affiliated with the website or author at all -Arda]

Almost three monthses until the movie, precious! Go and see Andy Serkis's good work on it! We hears he is very important!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Smeagol is Back!

We're sorry that the short blogger makes it wait so long. She gets busy with "independent variableses" and "anacrusises" and her own blog. But we are going to keep posting! For the summer, we likes our posting schedule, but we changes it now. We tries to post once a week, yes precious? And we does different types of posts? Some of the same, yes, but some new! It will like it, yes, we thinks it will like it very much.

Another post, we has another post coming! And soon we make some changes on the "Dear Gollum" page. Maybe answer questions there? Not wait for posts? We thinks about it.

But before we goes, we has a joke!

What does it call a fish with no eyeses?

Fsh! Heeheeheeheehee!

[joke stolen from here]

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

PSA - Public Smeagol Announcement

[Whoops, sorry forgot to post today. We need to rework the posting schedule so there'll be a brief hiatus until that happens. I started school and while Gollum doesn't have homework, his mod does. Sorry and thanks for your patience! I leave you all with this picture. -Arda]

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Trust Us Thursday - Fissssh in the Sea

"There are plenty of fish in the sea"

We hears this piece of advice, and we would like to explain it.

It finds someone. It likes it. It likes it very much.

But then it goes away. It loses the thing it wants.

It will be sad, so very sad, but it will get better.

It is not the only one.

It will find another one it likes. We knows it will.

It may wait a very long time, but we knows it will find another.

Then it can grab it and eat the fish! Heheheheheh!

We got a question. Yes, a question from Vellvin! It fits very nicely into this post, doesn't it precious?

Why is it that you don't like potatoes? Or chips for that matter?

When the fat hobbit tells us of "fish and chips," we doesn't like the idea, no precious, we doesn't like it one little bit. It ruins nice fish. It fries it, and the chips too. Foolish, silly hobbits! We knows that its fish is bad, and we doesn't want its chips. No grasses or roots. We likes fresh meat. We finds it young, tender, nice. That is our advice. It mustn't spoil nice things, no precious! It mustn't spoil nice things that Smeagol finds for hobbitses. Eat it now, before it spoils, and do not put it in a pot!

Monday, August 12, 2013

Music Monday - On My Own

Smeagol lived alone for 500 years. We don't have any friends. Nobody likes us. Except nice Master. He looks out for us. But he stole our preciousssss. So we are on our own, so we likes this song from Les Miserables.

Did you know that Smeagol can steal bodies? It's no fun to say it doesn't look like us singing.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Story Saturday - B̶i̶l̶b̶o̶'̶s̶ Gollum's Song

One ill turn deserves another, we hears. Since Baggins stole our precious, we thinks that we should steal from him. So we takes his song! But we doesn't like it much, no, not very much at all. We makes it much, much better. Look! Look, followers!

We sits beside the fire and thinks
Of all that we have seen,
Of Mordor towers and the Great Eye
No fish, no birds, no green;

Of dark and damp in caves of her
Atop the winding stair,
She's waiting there to have her fun
When next we brings food there. 

We sits beside the fire and thinks
Of how hobbits will be
When we get back our Precious Ring
And gets it back for MEEEE!

For Baggins stole our Precious Ring
And slips away unseen
With pocketses not holding string
As at our loss we screams.

We sits beside the fire and thinks
Of where Master will go
As he walks far across the world
On paths that we will show.

But all the while we sits and thinks
Of what happened before,
We waits for hobbitses defeat
For now they are done for!


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Tricksey Tuesday - Getaway (and answers!)
We have said many times that we hates nasty hobbitses. Yes, we hates them, precious, yes. But we hates elveses too. They tie up poor Smeagol with burning rope. They put Smeagol in prison. We hates them too.

When they had us as a prisoner in the dark forest, they took us out so we could climb the trees. Nice trees. Nicer than elves. Smeagol likes to climb high and get away from the nasty elveses. One time when we climbed, orcses came and fought the elveses. The elves were so busy with the orcses that they don't see us, and we gets away!

So how can it do this? How can it? Say it is talking to someone it doesn't like. It can get its friends to surround them so it gets away! Heeheehee! Or if it is like poor Smeagol and doesn't have friends, it can ask some squirrels, can't it? Nice squirrelses. I'm sure they would help. Oh so crunchable squirrelses...

That is how it gets away from hobbitses or elveses it doesn't like! Isn't Smeagol clever?

The Short Blogger forgot to let us answer the other questions! Silly Short Blogger! So we will do it now.

Can you read Elvish?
Do you still have two-sided conversations? i.e. Gollum and Smeagol?

We doesn't read much, no, not much anymore. But we knows the writing on our Precious. Yes, we thinks it is in Elvish. It says, "this is our Precious." We don't understand why Baggins would take it from us. It is ours!
Yes, we talks to people and have these..."two-sided conversations." When we answers your question there are two of us talking, yes precious? We shouldn't answer silly questions. No, no, we likes to answer them. We likes it when people ask about ourselfs. Who needs them! They all like Baggins, not us. They do likes us! They follow our blog! They pretend to like us. I'm not listening! These people don't really like you. No, no... Leave them. We must get the Precious.! Gollum, gollum.

[tl;dr the second answer is yes]

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Trust Us Thursday - Bad Friendships

When someone is nice to us, we likes to keep them around. We likes them, don't we, precious? But then there are people who are not nice to Smeagol.

Should we be quiet? Should we let it go? Should we let them hurt poor Smeagol?

No, no precious! We doesn't have to stay with people who aren't nice to us!

We already posted ideas for getting rid of friends. But we must also get rid of enemies, don't we precious?

We think long and hard about this, but we comes up with a solution.

We eats it!

Then Smeagol leaves nasty hobbitses and repays them for what they've done, yes? And we gets a meal at the same time.

Or if hobbit isn't it's favorite meal, it can give the hobbitses to a friend. She could do it, if precious doesn't want it.

It shouldn't stay in friendships where they hurt it! It can just eat it!

[major disclaimer: while leaving bad relationships can be a good thing, I would recommend finding a slightly less violent method of doing so -Arda]

We got a question asking for advice!

I need new conditioner, what type would you recommend? You've been able to keep your hair in very good condition, even when traveling with the hobbits.

It thinks our hair looks nice? That make Smeagol happy! But we doesn't do anything with it. We keeps it natural. We thinks that is the best way to take care of it. Don't add slimy things to it. Let your hair go freeee!

[He stole conditioner from Legolas while in the Mines of Moria. L'Oréal Mirkwood, because you're worth it.]

Monday, July 29, 2013

Music Monday - The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Smeagol has traveled through the wild a lot. Yes, very much. The Dead Marshes, Emyn Muil, Mirkwood, the Wold, many places. Many beasts we have seen, so we sings this song, The Lion Sleeps Tonight. We thinks it is some of our best work.

Arda tells us we must "support" and "sustain" the long, high notes. We does it! We practices very much and does it well!

[I can vouch for the extensive practicing at least. Someone help me.]

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Story Saturday - Smeagol and the Three Hobbitses

We was young. We just found our precious! But our friends didn't like us anymore. So we had to find safe place. Precious hadn't found the Misty Mountains yet.

Once upon a time as we were traveling alone, we finds a house with no one inside it. Poor Smeagol was very cold, wet, and hungry, so we goes in. And we sees fish! Such juicy, tender fish! Smeagol was very hungry, so we tried the biggest fish first. But they ruins it! Burned it with fire. We wants our fish raw. So we goes to the second fish. But they freezes it! Fish as hard as rocks. We only has six teeth and cannot bite it. So we goes to the smallest fish. It is fresh! It is juicy! It is tasty! We eats the whole thing.

Then we wanted to sit down for a bit, so we finds some chairs. Smeagol had been starving, so we were thin, so very thin. The first chair was too big! Who would want to sit in a chair like that, we wonders? But the second chair was too big for us too! Chairs for people with more food inside them than poor Smeagol. So we goes to the third chair, and it fits! It fits us, precious! But then it breaks and Smeagol falls on the floor. Nasty, nasty chair, trying to hurt poor Smeagol.

We decides to go to sleep instead. We sleep on rocks and things and almost forgot what a bed is like. When we tries the first bed we sees, it is too hard! Precious doesn't want to sleep on another rock! Gollum, gollum. Then the second bed is too soft, and we feel like we are sinking, and we doesn't like this one bit. But the third bed was just right, and since we were very, very tired, we fell asleep.

But then, three nasty hobbitses came to the house. "Someone's been eating my fish," says the hobbit father. "Someone's been eating my fish," says the hobbit mother. "Someone's been eating my fish," says a very small hobbit, "and it's all gone!" Hehehehehe! It doesn't know that we eats it, my precious!

Then they sees the chairs, and the father and mother hobbitses say, "someone has been sitting in my chair!" And the little hobbit says, "someone has been sitting in my chair and it's all broken!" Even though the chair hurt us!

The hobbitses go into the bedroom, and the father hobbit says, "someone's been sleeping in my bed!" And the mother hobbit says, "someone's been sleeping in my bed!" And the little hobbit says "someone's been sleeping in my bed and is still there!"

We wakes up and sees the nasty hobbitses. Poor Smeagol was so frightened! We runs away and never comes back. But later we wondered if hobbits were tasty. Maybe we could have stayed. All we wanted was a warm home. But we found our cave, with fishes and orcses to eat. And no nasty chairs to hurt us.

The end!

It thinks this is a story about Goldilockses and bears, but they stole this story from us. Filthy thieves... Precious says always cite your sources! Don't be tricksey and false!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Tricksey Tuesday - Caveses
In our last post for Tricksey Tuesday we tells it how to get away from a person. But maybe it doesn't work, precious? We are clever but maybe the person is persistent. Maybe it doesn't have friends or squirrelses or anyone to help it out. So we came up with another idea!

When we took the hobbitses to her, we walks through a dark, dark cave. Smeagol is used to caves and darkness. We can see in it. But little hobbitses cannot. So we goes ahead and loses them!

Maybe it is with a person it would like to leave? It can go somewhere dark. Very dark. A cinema? Or movie theater? They are very dark for movies. Maybe it can go see us! We likes our movies very much.

So it goes inside and the movies starts, yes precious? Then it says it has to go do something important, even to get nasty chips. Smeagol doesn't like chips but we makes sacrifices to reach our goals. So it goes out, then away it goes! The person can't see it in the dark and it can leave them! Hehehehehe!

So it should go see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, yes? On December 13. We are credited in it and our friend Andy Serkis is the "second unit director." It is very important, even if Smeagol dosen't know what it means. Go see it!! And get rid of nasty hobbitses!

[I'm away this week so comments may be posted very slowly, but Gollum will continue with his regular schedule :) -Arda]

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Trust Us Thursday - Labeling

What is ourself?

If it were to ask the Fat Hobbit, it would find that we were a sneak.

But does he really know us?

Hobbitses, they can call us names but that doesn't mean that's what we are! It may call us a sneak but it doesn't know what we are really doing, does it precious? Just because it calls us a sneak doesn't mean that we are a sneak.

They don't decide who we are, do they precious? We decide for ourselfs! We are not a sneak. We are Gollum the Great!

So when someone says what it is, remember that it can be whatever it wants! If someone says it isn't clever or beautiful remember that it lies! Yes, nasty hobbitses cannot tell it what it is. It can tell them.

 No one asked us for help with problems, so we are going to solve a problem of the Short Blogger's. She has lots of problems, yes, yesss.

The Short Blogger tells us that she ruins her "sleep schedule." We watch her sleep to learn what she does. The Short Blogger, sleeping so beautifully. She thinks she must sleep earlier. But she is wrong! If it needs help with its sleeping too, it should remember to watch out for the Yellow Face and the White Face. Sleep, yes, it should sleep while the Yellow Face is high in the sky. Then the Wraiths can't see. They can't see it. Not while its sleeping and hidden. Then when the Yellow Face goes away, then it can go out. Catch nice fishes. But beware the White Face. Some nights he's there. Some nights he's gone. It can go out then.

To fix its sleeping, it can rest when the Yellow Face is out. And stay awake when it ought to be out. Very soon, it will fix its sleeping. Yes? We helps it nicely?

[Gollum watches me sleep? Okay that is creepy.]

Monday, July 15, 2013

Music Monday - The Confrontation

We sees people sad because they can't sing two parts at once. But we can! Oh yes we can, precious! With Precious and I we can sing whatever we likes! So we have The Confrontation from Les Miserables. Yes, yesss, we sings lots of songs from it.

We know it doesn't look like us but it will play along, won't it precious? It will play along nicely?

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Q&A with us!

Suprise! It's Sssneaky Sunday, so we surprising it by posting its questions! We got lots of questions about us. We thought it would just want to ask us for help with it's problems, but it wants to know about us! Smeagol is very happy that our readers care about us. We don't have any friends, but readers make us happy, yes they do precious!

What are Gollum and Sméagol's favorites movies? What is the best way to catch fissh? Who do you hates the most? -James

We likes The Lord of the Rings, of course! Three long movies with us! And we do very, very well in them. We should win an Oscar, yes precious! We don't like The Hobbit quite as much. No, not very much at all. We thinks Andy Serkis is doing a very good job but there is too much of Baggins. Our other favorite is O Precious, Where Art Thou? We can very much relate as we tries to find the Precious.
Yes, we answered the second question.
We hates.... We hates anyone who tries to take our Precious! Baggins, he stole it from us. We lost it for a very long time. We didn't know what to do. Then Master tries to hurt the precious. We hates Master. No, no we don't. We likes nice Master. Yes we do hate it! We only need me! Not nasty hobbitses who trick us. We need me to get back the Precious. No, no, we don't need it now. We want it to go away. Hehehe, it wants us to leave? It can't do anything without us. We doesn't like the Baggins who took the Precious, but nice Master looks after us. He keeps the Precious away from us! We hates it too!

[this went on for a while but I'll cut it here]

Dearest Smeagol, How dost thou plan to have fun in the summer hot time??

The Yellow Face, always spying in the summer. No, we don't like it. Always showing where we are. It hurts our eyes. We hides. We waits. Stream and pool is wet and cool... We will go to a nice place. No hobbits following. No nasty orcses or wicked men. Just Smeagol. Yes, just us. Fissh, we can get many nice fish while we stay cool.

Do you prefer to be called Smeagol or Gollum?
Where did you come up with the song 'Naughty Little Fly?' Did you make it up yourself?

Smeagol is our name. It can call us Gollum if it likes. Smeagol doesn't mind. But do not call us sneak! We writes nice blog for it, we posts two times a week, so don't call us sneak!
Did we makes it up? Did we. Long ago, yes, yess. We heard it, so very long ago, when Smeagol was happy and free. But we thinks of it when Master gets caught in a web. And we comes up with the new ending! We are quite good with songs. We know very many.

Have you ever used the rings power to prank anyone?

Smeagol likes sssneaking, and we used our Precious very much. We goes to take nasty orcses to eat. We use our Precious then. If we had the Precious later, we would sneak up on the fat hobbit. Sneak up on him in his sleep! We would give him a fright. Smeagol could laugh! The fat hobbit would be so surprised!

where do you buy your loinsloths from?

What does it ask?? We are not going to tell it that! But we tells it one thing. We doesn't go to the GAP of Rohan!

[Thank you so much for sending questions to Gollum! Pics are from's fantastic humor section]

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Story Saturday - Itsy Bitsy Stars

We has two songs for it today, songs about Smeagol, for Story Saturday!

The Itsy Bitsy Smeagol:
The itssy bitssy Smeagol went up the Mordor wall.
Out came the orcs who made poor Smeagol fall.
We found a path atop a winding stair,
So we tricked the nasty hobbits to meet our friend up there! Hehehehe!

Twinkle Twinkle:

Twinkle twinkle nasty stars,
We don't like it where you are.
You all plan with the White Face,
Tell the Wraiths our hiding place!
Twinkle twinkle nasty stars,
Go away to Eldamar!

Bagginses isn't the only one who can make songs! We came up the these all ourselfs! We are very proud of them.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Tricksey Tuesday - Crumbs on his jacketses

Smeagol loves to trick nasty hobbitses! We will show it how to trick hobbitses it doesn't like too!

We played a very clever trick once, yes, very clever. The fat hobbit wanted to help Master hurt the Precious. So we sends him away! Hehehehe!

Precious will see, we throws nasty elf bread off a cliff, then we puts crumbs on the fat hobbit's jacketses. So Master thinks he eats them! Smeagol is so clever!

We hear things, that when there are three friends, there can be a "third wheel." Smeagol does not know what this means, but the short blogger, she says it's nassty. We thinks we was it with Master and the fat hobbit. So we will help it! Smeagol will help!

But we thinks it may not have nasty elf bread, so here is what Smeagol thinks it can do.

If it wants to get rid of ssomeone, we thinks it should find a phone. Yes, it uses phones? It uses them very much?

So it gets a phone of one friend, and then, hehe, then it changes all the names in the contacts to Gothmog! Except one. It leaves the name of the other person. So it looks like they did it! Then the friend will send them away. Hehehe, Smeagol is so clever! Gollum gollum.

We hopes it likes our tricks, precious! Good luck getting rid of nasty hobbitses!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Trust Us Thursday - Believe in Yourself

Is it sad? Is it hurt? Does it thinks it cannot do something?

We knows what it is like. When Baggins stole my Precious we were sad, very sad. We thought we would never see our Precious ever again.

But we did! We did, we did, we did! Heeheehee!

If we didn't believe in ourselfs, we might not have ever seen our Precious again. We would have been all alone. All alone...

To find our Precious, we traveled very, very far. Through the Mountains, and Mirkwood, and Emyn Muil, and even into Mordor. Under the watch of the Eye. The Eye is always watching! Poor Smeagol was very afraid, but we kept going, sneaking, hiding.

So when it is sad, just remember that it can do it! It can, precious! Even if it is scared. It can go to many places, and do many things, and get what it wants! Smeagol knows. Smeagol did it, and we know it can do it too!

 It sent us questions! We only wants to talk about advice today, so we takes two questions and answers others later.

What is the best way to catch fissh?

It should find a pool or river. Lots of fish. And it can cool its feet so very nicely. Then it is patient. Smeagol is very patient. Watches for fishes. Then we grabs it out of the water! It must be very quick. Then it can eat the fish or Smeagol likes to hit it on a rock first.  Then we eats it, my precioussss!

What would you advise are the best parts out of the LOTR trilogy?

We thinks it should skip the beginning with Bagginses. We doesn't like it one bit. Smeagol's favorite parts are when nice Master follows us, and we catch fishes, and fights the fat hobbit, and gets our Precious! That is our advice - it shouldn't watch the parts with nasty, tricksey hobbitses. But we have good parts, very good parts!

Good Smeagol always helps, and we hopes that it can be better with our advice. It must trust us that we gives good advices. Now we must go to catch fishes ourselfs...

Monday, July 1, 2013

Music Monday - Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Today we will play for you Smeagol's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, from the classic film The Wizard of Oz. Smeagol likes the movie, but not the nasty wizard. We doesn't like nasty wizardses. They wants to lock us up and ask us questions Smeagol doesn't want to answer. But Dorothy is nice. We thinks she would be nice to us. So we sings her song as we dreams along with nice Dorothy.

Enjoy, precious! Hehehehehe!

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Welcome, Precious!

Is it reading? Is it? Is it reading our first post, precious? Yes! Heeheehee! It found us! It found our blog!

We have a blog now, yes we do. It is all ours! We don't need to steal the short blogger's anymore. Ours is better, much better it is. We are going to try and post two times a week. Yes, two times! It should follow us, oh yes it should! Our blog will have very good posts. Gollum, gollum.

So welcome! It will read and leave us comments, won't it precious? It should also go to our "Dear Gollum" page at the top and ask us for advice! We needs questions, precious! We wants to answer them!

[Hello, Arda here! (also known as the "short blogger" to Gollum) So he finally has his own blog. He will be writing it but I'll keep an eye on things so nothing gets out of hand. Thanks for reading!]