70 Questions

Hello followerses! Smeagol has come back! We had a very good idea for posts to do this month, but the short blogger could not help us. She says she had no creativity. So we will answer questions instead! Very long ago, Rogan sends us a question. He asks, "Dear Gollum, What happened to all your hair? No Offence . Rogan." What happened to our hair? We have fabulous hair! And we takes very good care of it. It can read about it at the end of this post!

Now let us answer more questions! We takes these from tumblr. It is a long list, so we will do part of it.


Personal

1-How are you?

We are happy that the movie Andy Serkis worked so hard on is out! But we are not happy to see so many pictures of Bagginses.

2-Post a picture of yourself.

#nofilter

3-Do you ever wish you were someone else?
Sometimes we wish that we were our Precious.

4-What is your entire name?
Smeagol

5-How old are you?
We doesn't remember. The short blogger says about 589.

6-Age you get mistaken for:
23

7-Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:
What is a zodiac?

8-What did you do on your last birthday?
Smeagol did not celebrate his birthday for a long time. But we remembers one birthday. We were fishing with Deagol. And he gave us the Precious.

9-What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?
Getting our Precious back.

10-What is your hair color?
Brown

11-Have you ever dyed your hair?
No

12-What is your eye color?
Blue. People likes Master's big blue eyeses, maybe they likes ours too?

13-If you could change your eye color, would you?
No

14-Do you wear contacts/glasses?
No

18-Do you have any tattoos?
If we did, it would say "Precious" in runes.

19-Do you have any piercings?
No

20-Left or right handed?
We use both our handses.

21-What’s your sexual orientation?
We doesn't like anyone.

22-Do you drink?
No.

23-Do you smoke?
No! Smoke rising in the sky! Tells nasty men where we are!

24-Do you have any pets?
We eats it.

25-Where do you work?
Smeagol tries to get his Precious back but people keep making him answer questions about the Precious or making poor Smeagol lead them to Mordor. So we are a "tour guide."

26-Something you are working on right now:
Getting our Precious back.

27-Do you have any “rules” about food?
No nasty elf bread. Avoid orcses if we can.

28-Where are you from?
Near the Gladden Fieldses.

29-What would you say is your best quality?
Our riddles! We are good at riddles!

30-What do you think you’re really good at?
Guessing Baggins's riddles.

31-What do you think you’re really bad at?
Our throat cannot swallow nasty elf bread though we are hungry.

33-Are you a bad person?
Smeagol is good. Good Smeagol. The Fat Hobbit says we are bad.

34-Are you nice to everyone?
We will be nice to them if they are nice to us.

36-Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?
Peter Jackson says we has nine teeth.

37-What is your ideal bed? Why?
Somewhere dark and cool.

38-Did you wake up cranky?
No

39-Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?
No, but look what Smeagol finds! Amazon.com: The Hobbit Plushies Gollum Plush

40-What do you think about the most?
My Precious

42-What you want to be when you “get older”?
We are older now.

43-What are your career goals?
Find our Precious.

44-What is your ideal career?
Telling hobbitses "no!" when they ask for directions.

45-Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
No, we have our own blog now.

46-Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Yes, we thinks about how Baggins stole our Precious a lot. It makes us angry.

47-Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
We doesn't think so.
[oh really Mr. Having-creepy-conversations-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-arguing-with-yourself? -Arda]

48-Say 10 facts about your room:
Smeagol doesn't have a room, so we talks about the Misty Mountains.
1. Dark
2. Lake
3. Fish
4. Orcses
5. Precious
6. Alone
7. Cool
8. Baggins
9. We hates it

49-Do you have any phobias?
We are afraid we'll never find our Precious again.

50-Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?
No
[Thank you for the suggestion. I will be recommending one this week. -Arda]

51-Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?
Hobbitses and nasty elf bread.

52-Ever broken any bones?
Stickses and stoneses may break our boneses but Peter Jackson's changes to our books never hurts us.

53-Ever come close to death?
...yes.

60-Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this?
There are pages of us, but we doesn't run any of them.

61-Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
No.

62-Describe yourself in one word/sentence:
Sneak, as the Fat Hobbit would say.

63-A quote you try to live by:
"The Precious will be ours, once the hobbitses are dead." -Us

64-A famous person you’ve been compared to:
Yoda

65-Weird things you do when you’re alone:
We likes to talk to our Precious, but we doesn't think it's weird.

66-Something you do without realising:
Sneaking

68-Someone you’d like to be for a day and why:
We wants to be the Fat Hobbit so we can fall in the mud.

69-Leave me a compliment:
Who is it? We are not leaving a compliment!

Draw My Life

Smeagol is working on a new post. It will be finished soon, yes, very soon! But now, watch this video we finds!

New Hobbit Trailer +Q&A

We finds a new trailer for the Hobbitses movie! Maybe it wants to see it.

We likes it very much. It gives us a better of idea of what we will see. But we doesn't like many people in it. No, not very many at all. Nasty elfses and wizardses and hobbitses. Yes, nasty hobbitses! Baggins makes this video too:

We doesn't want Baggins in our cinema. We has to see him enough in the movie, don't we, precious? Baggins can stay away.

---

Since we are talking about movies, we answers this question:

Who is your favorite actor?

-Vellvin

Andy Serkis! He brings Smeagol to life! He plays us very well, helps people to know us, yes? Helps them care about us? Yes precious, Andy Serkis we likes very much.

Hobbit Day...bleh.

Smeagol is soooo excited for Baggins' birthday. Yes precious, look at how excited we are.

Grr...the short blogger wants us to write a post for today, but we hates Baggins! We doesn't want to celebrate its birthday, especially when it takes our birthday present. He tricks us, he cheats us! We will make a list, yes precious? Reasons why we hate Bilbo Baggins!

1. He stole our Precious!

2. He cheats at riddles (what has it got in its pocketses silly riddle precious yes very silly it doesn't count no it doesn't count in the game)

3. He tells other silly riddles (we knows the 30 white horses long ago, it thinks we are stupid?)

4. He stole our Precious!

5. He points sharp things at us (don't hurt poor Smeagol!)

6. He sneaks after us to find the way out (he cheats!)

7. He plays leap frog without asking us (maybe we lets it jump over us to get out if it asks nicely)

8. He stole our Precious!

9. He takes his handses out of his pocketses too fast (if Baggins cheats, Smeagol will be clever!)

10. He stinks of nasty elfses

11. He is a friend of the nasty wizard

12. HE STOLE OUR PRECIOUSSSS!

Ask Gollum - moviesss and enemiesss

We gets some more questions! Two about moviessss...

Gollum, do you like Star Wars?

-James the Movie Reviewer

Do we like...Star Warses. We do, yes, we do likes it a bit. Not the Emperor. Not nice, no, not very nice. And "Ben" makes us think of the wizard, Gandalf. But we likes other parts. When The Clone Wars was on, we watched it. We even reviews it on the short blogger's blog! But between Star Warses and our movies, we likes ours better. Much better. We are in it!

Who is your most hated enemy?

Is you went to the movies what would you take?

-Vellvin

We answers the first a bit before, but Baggins. We hates it forever. Never forgive it! Never forgive it for stealing our precious, our birthday present. Maybe we steals its pocket handkerchief! See how it likes having its precious stolen.
To the movies... It has popcorn. Does it have fishes? Maybe we takes our own fish. And we brings earplugs. Movies are so loud, they hurt Smeagol's ears. But we can see in the dark of theaters very well. That's why we maybe also takes someone to lose in there! Heeheehee...


Now that we thinks about it, we finds a picture of us in Star Warses!

We thanks it for the questions, precious!

A Critique - "Gollum breaks down the trailer for 'The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug'"

We sees that someone writes an article about us. Look, look here precious! We thinks it was nice of the writer, Jancy Richardson to think about us with the trailer for The Hobbitses: The Desolation of Smaug. Nice writing, nice gifs of us. But we wants to set a few thing straight, yes precious? We include bits here, but it should go look at the article itself. Maybe it reads it first, yes? then it comes back to look at us.

Stupid Hobbitses, leaving poor Gollum out of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Not like Gollum cares. This trailer, so full of stinking, stupid Hobbitses.
Gollum tells you reasons why he doesn’t want to be The Hobbit 2, those Hobbitses can go desolate Smaug without him.

We likes J.R.R. Tolkien. He is our friend. He has us in his book, but only one part. Smeagol is fine with that. Good Smeagol is content with his role. But maybe if we were in it more we could have gotten our Precious back from those stinking, stupid hobbitses.

1) Nice hat, precious.

Before we goes to Mirkwood, we doesn't know who this is. We doesn't care about his hat. But he keep Smeagol prisoner! Not very nice, no precious, not very nice at all.

2) Gollum could be that big if he spent his life in Mordor gym, too.

Smeagol needs fishes to grow strong. We has no fish, no birdses, only nasty elf bread. Smeagol will go hungry. Poor Smeagol. We doesn't want to look like nasty orcses anyways. And we don't want to go back to Mordor. No, no, we won't go back. Filthsey orcses can get fit all they likes, but don't ask Smeagol to go.

3) Dwarf thinks he can win Middle Earth Olympic barrel race, does he?

Olympic? What is it? We doesn't know what it is talking about. But we don't think we like dwarves very much. If it's a race in the water, we would win. We spends lots of time in the water. We paddles with our handses and goes fast. We would win.

4) Baggins! We hates that guy.

Yes yes, here we agrees! Baggins, we hates it. Hates it forever! He stole our Precious! Wicked, tricksey, false!

5) Boys or girl? Gollum can never tell with Elveses…

More nasty elveses. All from Mirkwood. We doesn't care if it's a boy or girl. We hates them all.

6) Aaagh! Nice doggie!

It's not a doggie! Smeagol reads the book! We knows what it really is. But we're not sure we like it very much precious.

7) Tasty caterpillars! Oh, no. Eyebrows.

...?

8) Dirty great Dragon! Run for your liveses!

We doesn't want to meet a dragon. Not at all, precious. It sounds worse than oliphaunts, yes? We doesn't like them either.

But maybe it will eat Baggins. Then we likes it.

9) Gollum busy that day anyway. Those juicy fishes isn’t going to catch themselves, Precious.

We may not have said this ourselfs, precious, but it is true. Unless they have fishes in Long Lake? Maybe they have good fishes there.

See, Gollum not bothered at about being overlooked for second Hobbit movie. Must admit, though, Precious, the Lego version of the trailer is awesomes.

Smeagol didn't expect to be in the other movies. We doesn't mind if they follow what Tolkien says about us. Never heard of a Lego before, but maybe it likes it? Maybe it goes to watch the video on their article? And go see their nice pictures of us. But we knows that "awesomes" isn't a word, precious. Smeagol speaks just fine, doesn't he, precious?

[Disclaimer, the article was great and lots of fun, just though Gollum might have something to say about it! We are not affiliated with the website or author at all -Arda]

Almost three monthses until the movie, precious! Go and see Andy Serkis's good work on it! We hears he is very important!

Smeagol is Back!

We're sorry that the short blogger makes it wait so long. She gets busy with "independent variableses" and "anacrusises" and her own blog. But we are going to keep posting! For the summer, we likes our posting schedule, but we changes it now. We tries to post once a week, yes precious? And we does different types of posts? Some of the same, yes, but some new! It will like it, yes, we thinks it will like it very much.

Another post, we has another post coming! And soon we make some changes on the "Dear Gollum" page. Maybe answer questions there? Not wait for posts? We thinks about it.

But before we goes, we has a joke!

What does it call a fish with no eyeses?

Fsh! Heeheeheeheehee!

[joke stolen from here]