All We Wants for Christmas

Merry Christmas, Precious! Our present for it is we sings a song!

Gollum's Travel Guide - Emyn Muil

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Somehow when hobbitses are lost, they asks us for help. Smeagol doesn't know why, but we are a very good guide, precious. Goldenrod Gardener asks us:

Hi Gollum!
I am currently on a week long camping trip in Emyn Muil, and I was wondering if you had any advice on survival skill seeings as I...ah...lost my companions.

Sigh...hobbitses always come to us for directions, then tricks us. But good Smeagol always helps. We will tell you how to go through Emyn Muil.

1. Bring fish.
There are not many fishes in Emyn Muil. Smeagol was very hungry. It must bring its own food. If it meets someone who offers elf bread, it musn't take it. Elf bread chokes us, makes us sick. If it does not bring fish, it will starve.

2. Bring rope.
It might think hobbitses are nice. No, hobbitses do not help Smeagol. They do not leave rope tied up so Smeagol can climb down it, so we must bring our own. If it doesn't bring rope, don't take it from hobbitses. Their rope burns us, nasty elves twisted it.

3. Marks its path.
Silly hobbitses walk in circles, but wise Smeagol knows the way. Mark its paths with the bones of the fish it brings. Smeagol is very clever, yes? Very thrifty?

4. Find caves.
It must find caves quickly, when the Yellow Face comes out. Yes, and the White Face. If it doesn't like to walk in the rain, caves are nice and dark and cool places to rest.

5. Avoid hobbitses.
They take advantage of poor Smeagol. We guides them and they tricks us. Hobbitses think they like to help, but they only hurt us.

But if it is trying to get its Precious back, we recommend sssneaking. Sneak up behind the hobbits, and pounce. Smeagol tries this. We are sure it will work next time...

Our Precious Liebster Awards

Smeagol got an award! Yes, precious, two of them! We are a very good blogger, yes precious. Much better than the Short Blogger. We have a nice blog. And we have been rewarded!

thank and link back to the person who nominated you
list 11 facts about yourself
answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated you

nominate 11 bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers (you can’t nominate the blogger who nominated you)
ask them 11 questions

let them know about the nomination

We were tagged by Alyianna at Scribbles of a Catholic Girl and Shaak Ti at The Artist Alchemist! Nice bloggers.

11 Things About Us:
1. We has six teeth
2. We like fishes
3. And crunchable birdses
4. We hates Bagginses
5. Smeagol is a Stoor
6. We likes games
7. Smeagol is very good at swimming
8. We likes the dark
9. We are a good guide
10. The Short Blogger says our Westron name is Trahald, which means "burrowing, worming in or "apt to creep into a hole" [source]. It sounds like what the Fat Hobbit calls us.
11. Today Smeagol caught some beautiful rabbitses

Alyianna asks us:

1. Tell me the next word or phrase that comes to your mind when you see these words...
a) ring - my PRECIOUS!
b) dalek - we doesn't know what this is
c) magic - our Precious is magic
d) dance - we likes to dance!
e) clownfish - nice fissssh...
f) glitter - does it sparkle?

2. (Because I can never go without one of my "would you rather" questions. Each letter is a different question. Yeah, I'm cheating with going over eleven questions...whatever.) Would you rather...?
a) Learn archery with Legolas, Susan Pevensie, Merida, or Katniss? Not nasty elveses. We doesn't know the others.
b) Go on an adventure with Gandalf or the Doctor? We doesn't like Gandalf either. We pick the Doctor.
c) Learn magic with Dumbledore or Merlin? Smeagol thinks Dumbledore would be nice to us.

3. If you could pick three languages that you would know in an instant without having to spend time learning it, which three languages would you pick?
We can think of two: The language of our Precious, and elvish so elves cannot hide things from poor Smeagol.

4. What is the one household chore that you utterly detest?
Cleaning up the goblins that fall in our cave. Nasty work, precious.

5. If you got a million dollars, what would you spend it on? (There's a pricey questions for you. :P)
Fish! All the fish Smeagol could want.

6. How would you respond if someone came up to and told you that they were going to take you on a deluxe cruise for two months that he or she would pay for entirely (including shopping at stores on landing places), but you had to leave right now without going home to say goodbye to your family?
No, we doesn't want to go with it.

7. What comes into your mind when you see this GIF?

What we wanted to do to the Fat Hobbit in the Dead Marshes.

8. Tell me one of your biggest dreams that is probably impossible but you'll never stop wishing for it anyway.
To find my Precious. :(

9. What is one of your most embarrassing moments? (See, I'm letting you pick one - it doesn't have to be the most!!!)
Musn't ask us. Not its business.

10. If a crocodile came up to you and told you to lie down and let him eat you, would you trust him?
Smeagol has never met a crocodile. Smeagol doesn't want to.

11. What would you do if your phone woke you up in the middle of the night and there was a creepy voice on the other end asking you for ransom money in return for the release of your best friend?
We doesn't have a best friend. Or a phone.


Shaak Ti asks us:

1. What are looking forward to most this school year? (even if you're not in school)
Children inside so they do not bother Smeagol.

2. If you were given the chance to go ANYWHERE in the world for one week, and it was completely payed for and everything, where would you go?
Somewhere with lots of fishes

3. On the topic of travel- what is the best trip you've ever been on?
We likes Ithilien for a little while. Before hobbitses and men hurt us...

4. Would you rather live in the mountains or by the sea?
We lives in the mountains

5. Alternative or Pop music?
What does it say?

6. What would you do if you could spend the day with one of your favorite characters?
Smeagol doesn't have a favorite character...We can say our favorite is Nemo, so we eats it!

7. Can you name all 50 American states (and if you're not American- can you name all the regions/states of you're country?)
Arnor, Mordor, Rohan, Moria, Gondor...we doesn't remember.

8. Favorite girls name beginning with "T" + its meaning
Smeagol doesn't know

9. Favorite boys name beginning with "L" +it's meaning
Not Legolas, precious.

10. What type of atmosphere do you like when you go out to eat?
The rock and pool is wet and cool, so nice for feet...

11. What sport do you enjoy most? (And you can either participate in it, or just like to watch it. Whatever floats your boat :) )
We likes boating. Even nasty Aragorn says, "he's too clever a waterman"!

Now it knows more about us! But Smeagol must go see to our rabbits now. We hope it likes our post, precious!

Gollum's Adventures in England

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Did it miss us? We have been away. Far, far away in a galaxy, yes? We goes all the way to England, precious! Smeagol goes to see our good friend Andy Serkis. Does it know why? It is in Star Wars, my precious! Yes, yes, it is playing a character! Smeagol is very proud of our friend. Andy Serkis is not allowed to tell us what it is doing so we goes to see for ourselves. To the Star Wars set we goes! No, we haven't been sneaking, we wants to see our nice friend.

Did Smeagol learn anything? Maybe we did. We knows many paths and sees many things. But Smeagol isn't allowed to tell our nice readers. Precious will have to wait, it will! We can tell it that the movies are using our nice friend's Imaginarium. We doesn't know what it is, but Smeagol is pleased.

While we were in England, we thought it would be nice to see a Shakespeare play, yes? We knows that Richard III is playing, and that we might like it. The actor even mentions Smeagol in the Telegraph! It says, "I’ve just been rehearsing a scene where Richard is having a little diatribe to himself, where his schizophrenic personality comes out. And it’s absolutely Gollum, it’s totally Gollum. It’s like Shakespeare invented Gollum 400 years ago." It mentions us! We likes this, we thought, precious! Yes, we thought so.

Smeagol goes to Trafalgar Studios then, so we can see the play. We thought it would be very nice, very nice indeed. But then Richard III came on the stage. Does it know who it is? Can it guess?

Baggins.

It can grow a beard but it will never hide from us, precious.

We wants to see a nice play but Baggins ruins it! Ruins it again! Precious was so very disappointed and angry. But we stays and was happy to see that the play was a tragedy, oh yes precious, gollum gollum.

No more about Bagginses. Smeagol is too busy looking for Star Wars! We must find our friend Andy Serkis! What does it think it will be doing? Maybe it will play someone like us again? Smeagol cannot wait! We will find out all we can until the movie. Does it have any ideas?

[And the mod is left with the boring task of citing his sources]
Imaginarium info: http://www.starwarsunderworld.com/2014/06/andy-serkis-confirms-his-imaginarium-is.html
Quote: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/theatre/10920472/Martin-Freeman-interview-Shakespeare-invented-Gollum.html
Richard III pic: http://www.digitalspy.com/celebrity/review/a583277/richard-iii-review-martin-freeman-chills-as-shakespeares-anti-hero.html

Music Monday - Let it Go

Last week, the Short Blogger watches a movie. Yes, Frozen it is called. Smeagol likes it very much. We wants to sing a song from it!

We changes the words a bit. The cold does bother us, doesn't it precious?

Does it like our nice singing? We sings very high for this song, yes precious, very high! If it doesn't like us, the Short Blogger says to "let it go." It keeps saying that. We doesn't know why.

Happy Eassssster!

It is Easter, Precious! Yes, Easter Sunday it is!

We likes Easter. It's very happy. Though too bright for us, precious.

Does it know our favorite part of Easter? Can it guess? We stole them from nests long ago, teaching our grandmother...our grandmother...

Eggses! Eggses it is! We eats lots of eggses on Easter. So tasty, so scrumptious.

Would nice Master like an Easter egg?

original pic from arwen-undomiel.com

 But that is not all that is special about today, oh no precious! Does it know what else is today?

It's a birthday! Yes, it is Andy Serkis's birthday!

We thinks it looks very nice in a suit, doesn't it Precious? Nicer than when it is playing us?

Andy Serkis is our friend, and he has lived for 50 years today! Catching up to us, is it precious?

We must celebrate with something we likes. And we likes riddles! We likes riddles very much. The Short Blogger tells us to say thank you to Shaak Ti for sending one to us. [thank you, you rock!]

I hear you like riddles: Paul is 20 years old in 1980 but only 15 years old in 1985. How is this possible?

Yes, it is right, we does like riddles! We shall try to guess your riddle.

Hehehe, chestnuts, chestnuts, we can solve this. Hmmmm.....ss, ss, ss.......s-s-s-s-s-s.......

Ahhhh! We doesn't know, we doesn't know! Poor Smeagol. Poor, poor Smeagol cannot guess. We doesn't know, it wins the game!

[At this point, I tried and failed to solve the riddle. So I asked my brother, who also didn't know. Then I brought it to my dad, who immediately came up with the answer.]

The years are BC?? BC the Short Blogger tells us? What is it? Like the Second Age leading into the Third, it says? We doesn't understand! Nooooo we doesn't like riddles very much at all. [he's kidding, we really enjoyed your riddle!]

Now Smeagol must go have more eggses. We hope it has a happy Easter!

April Fool!!!

Dear Smeagol,

APRIL FOOL!!!!!!!!!

It's me, Deagol! Yeah, I'm dead. Thanks to SOMEBODY. But being dead isn't as bad as you might think. I have lots of time to make plans, so I will return to haunt Smeagol for the rest of his days!!!

Let's start off with some lovely fish and chips, shall we? Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish!

Look at this, Smeagol

Look at it

Isn't it beautiful

And who better to share such a delicacy with than our dear Bilbo Baggins!!

So majestic

Nice sword, eh Smeagol? You've seen it before, haven't you?

Bit nicer looking than this blogger, I'd say

And the wise elder hobbit!

Ah, sweet revenge. Farewell Smeagol! May you keep what hair you have left!

Your friendly ghost,
Deagol

---

Update from Arda - here was Deagol's redesign from April 1st that Gollum loved so much:

Fish Fridays

Fisssh. The Short Blogger tells us that on Fridays during "Lent," it doesn't eat orcses or other meats. So it may eat fish instead. We thought this was a nice idea. One day, one whole day just for fishes! Smeagol liked this.

Then it offers to take Smeagol to a "fish fry" last night. It tells us that they have lots of fishes for Smeagol, all the fish Smeagol could want. What is the fry, we asks? But it doesn't tell us. It tells us to come along and see.

A fish fry, oh no precious. Not again, not ever!

It cooks the fish! It fries it! Ruins the juicy, tender fishes! It puts it on fire, burns it, adds nasty bread, thinks it tastes good. No, precious, no it does not! We wants our fish raw, yes, raw and wriggling! Smeagol hates fish. Nasty fried fish! Precious is very disappointed. We dursn't do this again.

[Gollum is choosing to look at the negative and ignore the fact that he was able to request raw fish. I am not a horrible person. -Arda]

Smeagol eating nice fishes we likes

Gollum Reviews BBC Sherlock

This post has no spoilers but pictures and references to seasons one and three if you want to know nothing!

When the Short Blogger started watching sssSherlock, we thinks we would like it. But we changes our minds, maybe. It will see in our review.


The Nice:

They writes it very well. Not as nicely as Tolkien, but we likes it. They make it all look pretty, yes, very pretty. How we see it, and move from place to place, and the wordses on the screen.

They also mention us! It doesn't say our name right (we are Gollum, not Golem), but we doesn't mind.

So we likes some things about it. But there is something we doesn't like too. Now we tells it about it.

The Nasssty:

Bagginses.

We hates Bagginses. Why is it in the show, precious? It should be in a mountain being eaten by a dragon! Go away, go away and leave us alone! It ruins Sherlock! Baggins! We hates it forever!

And it mocks us in the show too. Look, precious!

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"Yeah, well at least I would, if I can get to my pockets!"

Its...pocketses. What has it got in its pocketses?


But that is not all, oh no, precious. Does it know what else Baggins did? 

HE STOLE OUR PRECIOUS!!!

original pic from here

It wears it! It gloats! It takes it all for itself and doesn't care if it breaks poor Smeagol's heart. Thief! Sneak! Wicked, tricksey, false!

We all knows who the real Moriarty is, don't we precious.

Smeagol doesn't like Sherlock very much after all. We wouldn't mind it if it weren't for Baggins. Yes, we wanted him to blow up by that nice pool, didn't we, precious.

But now the show is gone for a long time, so Smeagol doesn't have to see him. We watches nice fishing shows instead. We hopes it likes our review and follows our warning about Bagginses.